Language development: asking the big questions about questions

From an early age children are exposed to questions. You may see parents asking their crying baby, “What’s wrong? …What do you want?”, a bright-eyed toddler is often asked “What’s this, or that?”, and a child who just hit their sibling may be asked, “Why did you do that?!”

Questions are a natural part of our communication experience. So, what are the benefits of questions, and what could be the pitfalls?

Pros of asking questions

• Curiosity! Asking questions and showing interest in others is a good way to promote curiosity, and learn that the people around us have unique ideas and experiences to share. As children and adults get older this curiosity is a skill that we all use – we have all asked a friend or Googled at some point!
• Confidence building. Modelling and teaching questioning skills can help a child understand that it’s okay not to know everything – we all need help sometimes. Questions open up endless possibilities for learning.
• Our young learners aren’t always good at recognising what they do and don’t understand, but we can use questions to check what they know.
• A means to an end. Some questions work as requests help people get from A to B. We all need to make requests, and children need to learn to ask for the things they want or need.
• Getting to the point. When the right questions are asked, we can get right to the point of what we want to know.

Cons of asking questions

• Overload! Too many questions can be overwhelming for young people. Questions can sometimes make children feel like they are being tested, or it can feel like a lot of pressure if the questions come one after another without a pause. Sometimes we might ask another question if the child hasn’t answered quickly, when all we really need is to give them some extra time, or repeat the question.
• Sometimes children can associate being questioned with being in trouble, so it’s important to think about the tone we use when we are asking questions. For example, ‘why’ questions can sometimes seem like a challenge or contradiction.
• Limited variation. If we only ever ask questions, we aren’t showing the full extent of how language can be used, like commenting, sharing an interest, or explaining something. Some children with communication needs will learn to ask lots of questions (sometimes we may think too many questions!!) but struggle to share something that’s on their mind without asking a question first. We sometimes see children asking a question they already know the answer to, because they don’t know how else to start a conversation, yet they want to talk about that thing!
• Complexity. Not all questions are formed equally! Watch out for how long and complicated your questions are. Are the sentences too long and wordy? Are the words too hard? Are the ideas too hard?

Tips for asking questions

The below tips can help with asking the right questions.

The four to one rule

Follow the four to one rule and make four comments for every one question we ask. For example, instead of asking multiple questions, name the things your child appears interested in, talk about what your child is doing, describe the objects your child is using, explain what is happening, and recognise and talk about how your child is feeling.

Ask OWL

1. Ask a question.
2. Observe the response: Do they look confused, tense, or thoughtful?
3. Wait: Give them 5-10 seconds of thinking time if they don’t respond.
4. Listen and think: ‘Did they understand?’ ‘Were the words too hard?’  ‘Do I need to say it again for them?’ ‘Is this a teaching and modelling moment?’

For further information about our service and links to advice, take a look at our Speech and Language Therapy pages.